No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
