Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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