so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
