her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
