I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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