Having a random hookup so left but love u
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
