you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize