A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
