perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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