my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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