I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
