From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize