Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
