i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
