hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
