Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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