In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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