At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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