Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
My vagina just recognized that song.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
