And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
