she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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