The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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