I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
