He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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