Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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