Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
