I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
