just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
