You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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