I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
