Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
