sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
