Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize