come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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