I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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