can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
