my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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