Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
