I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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