We're facebook friends in real life
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize