this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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