I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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