I look better un-naked...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
