His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We need a shit load of segways right now
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize