I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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