i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I was not drunk enough for that final.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
