I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
