can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Terrible idea I love it
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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