I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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