who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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