I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm like, not good at living.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
