your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
