Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize