problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
