Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
