YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
