I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize