my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize