you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
