so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
