Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
