yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
