maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I can't turn off my feet"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
