just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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