Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
