Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize