Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
